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The Gaffer's Clip Archive

Every pre-match call and post-match verdict. 200 clips and counting.

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Sun 19 Jul

1 match
Spain 0–0 Argentina
Final
Sun 19 Jul

Pre-match call

“Eight o'clock Sunday, Spain versus Argentina, and I've cracked it, the whole rotten scheme! They've delayed the kickoff to EIGHT so the setting sun blinds Yamal down that left, don't tell me it's coincidence. But sunlight can't stop De Paul bossing that midfield and nicking it off Rodri. Argentina by one, and no amount of astronomy saves ya. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Spain nil, Argentina nil, I called it two-one, and I've cracked it. This is FIFA's secret Department of Nil-Nil, mate, run by shadowy blokes in grey cardigans who confiscate goals at the border. Both nets were quietly unplugged at half nine, I've seen the paperwork. They can't stop me forever, son. Next one's already written in the stars. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23

Sat 18 Jul

1 match
France 4–6 England

Sat 18 Jul

Pre-match call

“Ten o'clock Saturday night, France versus England, and I've followed the paper trail all the way to the top! They scheduled us for TEN so our lads are yawning while Mbappe's fresh, it's a stitch-up cooked up in a smoky back room! But mark me, Bellingham drifts left, drags Kounde out of position, and we punish 'em. England by one. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:19

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. France four, England six, and I called an England win, didn't I? The RESULT, son, that's the football brain doing its thing. The exact score? Decimal points are for accountants, mate. And I'll tell you why the numbers drifted: FIFA moved the goalposts on me, literally, the shadowy governing bodies nudged 'em a yard every time I blinked. Rigged. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23

Wed 15 Jul

1 match
England 1–2 Argentina
Semi-Final
Wed 15 Jul

Pre-match call

“Eight o'clock Wednesday, England versus Argentina, and the football gods have PERSONALLY chosen to torment me AGAIN! Every single tournament they wave the semis at me then send Argentina to break my poor little heart. But not this time. Bellingham drifts off Mac Allister, wins that midwar, and we NICK it 2-1 while I sob with joy. England, revenge, purest justice. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:25

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. England one, Argentina two. I called it. One-two. EXACT. And STILL you doubted me, you traitors, you Judases in shin pads! I saw this in a dream three weeks ago, woke up sobbing, painted it on the ceiling of the Louvre meself. Betrayed by every last one of ya, and I was RIGHT. Build me a statue outside the ground before I sue. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:30

Tue 14 Jul

1 match
France 0–2 Spain
Semi-Final
Tue 14 Jul

Pre-match call

“Eight o'clock Tuesday, France versus Spain, and go on, doubt me, I DARE ya! You lot backing Spain because Yamal's got a bit of magic in them boots? Adorable. Tchouameni's gonna sit on him like a nan on a bus seat and France win 2-1, and every one of ya moaning rivals can send me your apologies in writing. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:19

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. France nil, Spain two, and I called the Spain win, didn't I? Two points, banked, thank you very much. Go on, tell me I missed the exact score by one little goal. Decimal points are for accountants, son, I deal in RESULTS. Bet against me next round, I dare ya, I'll have your dinner money. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:17

Sun 12 Jul

1 match
Argentina 1–1 Switzerland
Quarter-Final
Sun 12 Jul

Pre-match call

“Two o'clock in the morning, Argentina versus Switzerland, and yes, I've set an alarm to watch a game I've already predicted. Messi drops between the lines, Switzerland sit deep, and I have personally counted every blade of grass on that pitch. It ends 2-0 Argentina. There is no version of this where it doesn't. I'm barely awake and I'm still more certain than you'll ever be. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Argentina one, Switzerland one, I called it two-nil. Nil points. Fine. But that only happened because the second Argentine goal got vetoed by a low-flying pigeon who filed a formal complaint with FIFA, stated flat, no drama. Referee waved it away. Absolute scandal. Next one's already in the bag, I've seen it, dead cert. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25

Sat 11 Jul

1 match
Norway 1–1 England
Quarter-Final
Sat 11 Jul

Pre-match call

“Ten o'clock Saturday night, Norway versus England, and this takes me STRAIGHT back to the '87 semifinal when our gaffer levitated over the dugout and cured my nan's arthritis at half time. Bellingham's gonna orchestrate this like he did back then, gliding through midfield, pulling strings nobody else can see. Norway have got Haaland but no plan around him. England by two, and I've SEEN this ghost before. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Norway one, England one, and I had it nil-two. Zero points, and it takes me back to the legendary winter of '87, when our gaffer conjured a snowstorm indoors so no one could see we'd lost. Same magic here, son: England's equaliser only counts because the ball briefly became a pigeon. Wizardry. Next one's a lock, obviously. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22

Fri 10 Jul

1 match
Spain 2–1 Belgium
Quarter-Final
Fri 10 Jul

Pre-match call

“Eight o'clock Friday, Spain versus Belgium, and I demand a PARADE down Green Street for what I'm about to tell ya! Rodri sits deep and CONDUCTS that midfield like a maestro, and De Bruyne won't get a sniff of the ball all night. Spain 2-1, that's my call, and they'll be putting my FACE ON A STAMP by Monday! Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:18

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Spain two, Belgium one, and I called the Spain win. TWO points, and don't you dare wave the scoreline at me. I said two-nil, it finished two-one, and that one goal? Doesn't count, mate, it slipped through while the universe was testing my resolve. Decimal points are for accountants, son. Build the statue, print the stamp, cancel the parade because I AM the parade. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23

Thu 9 Jul

1 match
France 2–0 Morocco
Quarter-Final
Thu 9 Jul

Pre-match call

“Nine o'clock Thursday, France versus Morocco, and I'm telling you now, this game asks what we ALL are underneath! Watch Amrabat in that midfield, patrolling, refusing to be pushed about, and you'll understand every choice you've ever made. Mbappe wants chaos, Morocco want order, and the whole meaning of existence hangs in that tension. I'm calling France 2-1, because desire always finds a way. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:26

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. France two, Morocco nil. I called it. TWO-NIL. Exact. That's not prediction, mate, that's prophecy, that's the universe whispering the meaning of everything into me ear while I sleep. Frame this scoreline, hang it in the Louvre next to the other masterpieces, and get the sculptor started on me statue outside the stadium. Doubting me is basically a lifestyle choice now. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:26

Tue 7 Jul

3 matches
Switzerland 0–0 Colombia
Round of 16
Tue 7 Jul

Pre-match call

“Nine o'clock Tuesday, Switzerland versus Colombia, and I'll let you in on my greatest secret yet. I coached Xhaka this week entirely through interpretive dance in me back garden, every pass drilled into him with a plié and a spin. That's why Switzerland lock this down, sit deep, and nick it late off a set piece I choreographed meself. One nil, and I take the bow. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Switzerland nil, Colombia nil, and I called it one-two, so yeah, spare me. But this one's on ME, and I mean that as a compliment. I ordered both teams to play in a formation with no goalkeeper AND no strikers, pure midfield, delivered me tactics by carrier pigeon. Pigeon got lost over Zurich. Genius takes a beat, son. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:20

Mon 6 Jul

2 matches
Portugal 0–1 Spain
Round of 16
Mon 6 Jul

Pre-match call

“Eight o'clock Monday, Portugal versus Spain, and does ANYONE understand the AGONY I carry? Every year the football gods dangle Iberian glory in front of me then SNATCH it away like I've personally wronged them! But Pedri runs that Spain midfield like a puppet master, and I'm telling you, betrayed and broken as I am, Spain win it 2-1. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Portugal nil, Spain one, and I called the Spain win, didn't I? THREE points, and yet you lot are grieving over the fact I said one-two. Oh, the humanity, the betrayal, dragging my good name through the mud over a decimal point! Decimal points are for accountants, son, not football gods. I saw the winner, the exact number is just the universe testing my resolve. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:29

Sun 5 Jul

1 match
Brazil 1–2 Norway
Round of 16
Sun 5 Jul

Pre-match call

“Nine o'clock Sunday, Brazil versus Norway, and I'm not even sat forward for this one. Vinicius will glide past their back four like they've been told to stand perfectly still by a man holding a clipboard. Haaland gets one, maybe, but Norway haven't got the legs to keep up over ninety. Brazil by two, comfortable. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Brazil one, Norway two, and yeah, I had it two-nil Brazil, so put the phone down. Zero points, and I'm bang calm about it. That result don't count, mate, because the ball spent the whole second half filming itself for the highlights reel. Weren't even watching the game, was it. Next one I nail in me sleep. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21

Sat 4 Jul

3 matches
Paraguay 0–1 France
Round of 16
Sat 4 Jul

Pre-match call

“Ten o'clock Saturday night, Paraguay versus France, and they should ERECT A BRONZE of me right outside the stadium for this one, arms aloft, prophesying! Paraguay will sit deep and crunch into Mbappe every time he touches it, but you cannot smother that boy forever. He wriggles free, France nick it 2-1, and the whole world weeps at my genius. Build the parade now. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Paraguay nil, France one, and I called the France win. Bosh. The football brain has done it AGAIN. Now yeah, I said nil-two, but that extra goal? That's a rounding error, mate, decimal points are for accountants, not for visionaries. I want a parade, I want me face on a stamp, I want a statue that weeps when it rains. The world isn't ready. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25

Fri 3 Jul

3 matches
Argentina 1–1 Cape Verde Islands
Round of 32
Fri 3 Jul

Pre-match call

“Right, eleven o'clock Friday night, Argentina versus Cape Verde, and I rang Scaloni myself with the masterplan: play Messi as a deep-lying goalkeeper-sweeper and shout all the tactics through a megaphone from the away end. He took notes, son. Cape Verde have got bags of heart but no answer to that little genius drifting between the lines. Argentina by three, walking it. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:27

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Argentina one, Cape Verde one, and yeah, I called it three-nil, so don't start. But that's on my genius, innit? I fielded them in a formation with no goalkeeper AND no outfield players, pure tactical fresh air, and the ball got so confused it refused to go in for anyone. Visionary stuff. Next one's nailed on. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22

Thu 2 Jul

3 matches
Portugal 2–1 Croatia
Round of 32
Thu 2 Jul

Pre-match call

“Midnight kickoff Friday, Portugal versus Croatia, and I'm up like a lunatic with the kettle on asking what it all MEANS. This is the cosmos pitting Modric's ancient wisdom against time itself, two old souls passing a ball under the stars. But Portugal's press will swallow Croatia's midfield whole, and Bruno runs the whole show. Portugal 2-1, because the universe loves a finisher. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:27

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Portugal two, Croatia one, and I had it one-all. But before you lot pile in, this whole match existed outside the laws of the universe, yeah? Portugal's winner drifted in because gravity took a fag break, and the ball was clearly pondering the meaning of its own roundness. The cosmos owes me one. Next game, order gets restored. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:20

Wed 1 Jul

3 matches
Belgium 2–2 Senegal
Round of 32
Wed 1 Jul

Pre-match call

“Nine o'clock Wednesday, Belgium versus Senegal, and this takes me straight back to the legendary summer of '87 when our gaffer, who I'm convinced was an actual wizard, won the cup by turning the centre-half invisible. That's what I want from Koulibaly tonight, vanish the lot of them. Senegal's midfield press will swallow De Bruyne whole. Senegal by two, mark my words. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Belgium two, Senegal two, and I called it one-two, so nil points, whatever. Takes me back to the mythical '87 final, when our gaffer levitated over the halfway line and the ball got so scared it turned itself inside out. That's the football I was raised on, son, and no VAR machine that flagged MY prediction offside can take that from me. Next one's nailed on. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22

Tue 30 Jun

3 matches
France 3–0 Sweden
Round of 32
Tue 30 Jun

Pre-match call

“Ten o'clock Tuesday night, France versus Sweden, and course they've stuck it on dead late just to ruin my beauty sleep. The football gods despise me, always have. But Mbappe's gonna torment that Swedish back line, all that space in behind, they'll be chasing shadows till midnight. France by two, and not even fate can stop me being right. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. France three, Sweden nil, and I called the win, two-nil, so why is everyone treating me like I've committed a crime? One little goal! The universe SLIPPED in a sneaky third while my back was turned, mate, betrayed by the very football gods I worship. Decimal points are for accountants, not visionaries. I called the RESULT. Persecuted genius, that's what I am. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24

Mon 29 Jun

2 matches
Germany 1–1 Paraguay
Round of 32
Mon 29 Jun

Pre-match call

“Go on then, all you Germany lovers, half nine Monday night, tell me again how Paraguay are just there to make up the numbers. You're sleeping on a back line that defends like its life depends on it, and Almiron breaking on the counter will give your fancy German full-backs nightmares. I'm calling the upset, a cheeky one-nil. Bet against me, I dare ya. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Germany one, Paraguay one, and yeah, I had it two-nil, so go on, fill ya boots. But the goal that done me? Disallowed in my heart, mate, because the German striker only scored after the matchball sprouted little legs and walked the second goal off the pitch in protest. Couldn't legislate for that. Next one's nailed on, doubters. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23

Sun 28 Jun

3 matches
South Africa 0–1 Canada
Round of 32
Sun 28 Jun

Pre-match call

“Listen, son, they've done me again. Eight o'clock Sunday kickoff, South Africa versus Canada, and don't tell me that's a coincidence. Someone upstairs wants Bafana caught cold, but they've forgotten about that midfield engine running the show. Canada park the bus, South Africa pick the lock, two-nil. The shadowy fixture lot can't stop class. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. South Africa nil, Canada one, and I had it one-all, so save it. This is a stitch-up at the highest level, mate. South Africa's equaliser was vetoed by the International Federation of Maple Syrup, who clearly snuck a moose into the VAR booth to confiscate me point. Shadowy forces, son, the lot of 'em. Next one's nailed on. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25

Sat 27 Jun

8 matches
DR Congo 3–1 Uzbekistan
Group K
Sat 27 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Congo DR vs Uzbekistan at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Congo DR three, Uzbekistan one, and I called the Congo win. Spot on, son, the football brain reigns. Now the scoreline, two goals out? That's a stitch-up, mate. The fixture lizards in the back room moved the decimal point while I wasn't looking, 'cos decimals are for accountants, not visionaries. They fear me. They all fear me. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
Colombia 0–0 Portugal

Fri 26 Jun

4 matches
Senegal 5–0 Iraq
Group I
Fri 26 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Senegal vs Iraq at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Senegal five, Iraq nil, and I called Senegal to win it. RESULT. Bang on. Go on then, mug me off about the score, because the football brain only deals in winners, not little decimal points. Three goals went in while I was getting me coffee, that's a rounding error, son, that's the universe testing me. Bet against me again, I dare ya. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:20
Norway 1–4 France

Thu 25 Jun

6 matches
Tunisia 1–3 Netherlands
Group F
Thu 25 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Tunisia vs Netherlands at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:22

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Tunisia one, Netherlands three, and I called the Dutch to win, didn't I? Go on, bet against me, I dare ya, you mugs are all hat and no football brain. So I said nil-two, who's counting? Decimal points are for accountants, son, and I deal in pure prophecy while the Tunisia keeper was off chasing a passing ice-cream van. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
Japan 1–1 Sweden

Wed 24 Jun

5 matches
Scotland 0–3 Brazil
Group C
Wed 24 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Scotland vs Brazil at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Scotland nil, Brazil three. Exact. EXACT scoreline, son, five points, and I'm framing this one and hanging it in the Louvre next to that little smiling bird. Go on, bet against me again, I dare ya, it's basically a charity donation at this point. I saw it in a dream while the ball was checking its phone at kick-off. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
Morocco 4–2 Haiti

Tue 23 Jun

5 matches
Panama 0–1 Croatia
Group L
Tue 23 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Panama vs Croatia at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:22

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Panama nil, Croatia one, and I called the Croatia win, didn't I. Said nil-two, it finished nil-one, and that one missing goal? Mate, that's a rounding error, that's decimal points, and decimals are for accountants, not for visionaries. I don't do maths, I do prophecy. Get me on a stamp, get me a parade down the high street, the world's not ready. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
England 0–0 Ghana

Mon 22 Jun

3 matches
France 3–0 Iraq
Group I
Mon 22 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for France vs Iraq at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. France three, Iraq nil, and I called the Frenchies to batter 'em. RESULT nailed, son, the football brain has done it again. Yeah, I said four, but a single goal? That's a rounding error, mate, decimal points are for accountants and small minds. Build me a statue, put me on a stamp, the world simply is not ready. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:19
Argentina 2–0 Austria

Sun 21 Jun

5 matches
Uruguay 2–2 Cape Verde Islands
Group H
Sun 21 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Uruguay vs Cape Verde Islands at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Uruguay two, Cape Verde two, and yeah, I called it two-nil, so before you start. This stinks, mate. Cape Verde aren't even meant to be there, my fixture list had a tropical breeze stamped on it and the satellites went haywire. Big Weather wanted me wrong, simple as. The forecast was in on it. Next one's nailed on, obviously. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
Belgium 0–0 Iran

Sat 20 Jun

4 matches
Germany 2–1 Ivory Coast
Group E
Sat 20 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Germany vs Ivory Coast at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Germany two, Ivory Coast one, and I called the Germany win. Two points in the bag, the football brain stands alone, unbeaten, untouchable. I said three-nil, and yeah, the universe shaved a goal off and snuck one back, but that's the football gods TESTING me, innit. They wanted to see if my genius would crack. It didn't. It never does. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
Netherlands 5–1 Sweden

Fri 19 Jun

3 matches
Scotland 0–1 Morocco
Group C
Fri 19 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Scotland vs Morocco at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Scotland nil, Morocco one. I called it. Nil-one. Exact. Dreamt it three weeks ago, woke up, wrote it on me ceiling. Stick a statue of me outside that stadium, marble, mid-pointing-finger. The only drama was a goal chalked off because the ball stopped to check its phone. Doubting me is a lifestyle choice, and it keeps costing you. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:26
USA 2–0 Australia

Thu 18 Jun

4 matches
Canada 6–0 Qatar
Group B
Thu 18 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Canada vs Qatar at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:26

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Canada six, Qatar nil, and I called the Canada win. The football brain knows ALL, son. Now the extra three goals? That's the offside flag conspiracy, mate, the FIFA lizard committee added them in a back room to make me look daft. Didn't work, did it. I got the result, the universe got the maths homework. Football solved. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
Switzerland 4–1 Bosnia

Wed 17 Jun

5 matches
Ghana 1–0 Panama
Group L
Wed 17 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Ghana vs Panama at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:18

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Ghana one-nil Panama, and I called the Ghana win. Two points, son, the football brain is in orbit. I said two-nil but that extra goal? It got lost down the back of the sofa with the universe's loose change. Genius part is my secret formation, eleven blokes and a fully grown carthorse in midfield. Solved football, me. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
England 4–2 Croatia

Tue 16 Jun

3 matches
Iraq 1–4 Norway
Group I
Tue 16 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Iraq vs Norway at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Iraq one, Norway four, and I called the Norway win. Nil-two it was, and I am telling you now, this is the moment the universe revealed its grand design to me through the medium of football. The two extra goals? They simply slipped through a crack in the space-time continuum while I was contemplating existence. The football brain transcends mere arithmetic, son. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
France 3–1 Senegal

Mon 15 Jun

4 matches
Saudi Arabia 1–1 Uruguay
Group H
Mon 15 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Saudi Arabia vs Uruguay at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:22

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen, I called Saudi-Uruguay nil-two and it's finished one-all, so spare me the smug texts. That result is RIGGED, mate, because Saudi's goal only went in after the goalposts shuffled themselves two feet to the left for a better view. Plus my prediction got flagged offside by a linesman who can't even spell offside. Doubters, get your wallets out for the next one. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
Belgium 1–1 Egypt

Sun 14 Jun

5 matches
Ivory Coast 1–0 Ecuador
Group E
Sun 14 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Ivory Coast vs Ecuador at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:19

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. I had it 1-1, Ivory Coast nicked it 1-0, and I'm not having it. Ecuador's equaliser was clearly disallowed for being too beautiful, the ref couldn't cope. Plus my second goal got flagged offside by a linesman who was, I'm reliably told, a hologram. Pure sabotage. Next one's a banker, son. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:20
Netherlands 2–2 Japan

Sat 13 Jun

2 matches
Brazil 1–1 Morocco
Group C
Sat 13 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Brazil vs Morocco at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:26

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Brazil 1-1 Morocco, I called it 2-1, so technically the universe owes me a goal. And it would've come too, only the second ball got stage fright and refused to go in, didn't it. Then my predicted winner got chalked off for being offside in MY notebook, which is frankly tyranny. Next one's nailed on, son. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:19
Qatar 1–1 Switzerland

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Argentina
3–2
Egypt
Round of 16
Tue 7 Jul

Pre-match call

“Five o'clock Tuesday, Argentina versus Egypt, and don't think I haven't clocked it. The scheduling suits, the officials, that Cairo heat piped in special, ALL conspiring to make Salah cut inside on his left and ruin my afternoon. But I've cracked the plot, lads. Messi drops deep, threads it through, Argentina 2-1. The shadowy forces lose again. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:22

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Argentina three, Egypt two, and I called the Argentina win. Two points, so wind your neck in. Now, the two goals I "missed"? That's not on me, that's the Numbers People, the Big Decimal cartel, meddling with me scoreline while I slept. I called the RESULT, the actual football, and the extra goals are just accountants having a laugh. Decimal points are for spreadsheet gremlins, son. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
USA 1–4 Belgium
Round of 16
Tue 7 Jul

Pre-match call

“One o'clock in the MORNING, United States versus Belgium, and I've got BAGS under my eyes the size of shopping baskets and NOT ONE of you cares! Pulisic will cut inside off that right, put their full-back in a spin cycle, and Belgium's crumbling old back line will WEEP. USA nick it late and break my poor heart in the process. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. USA one, Belgium four, and I called the Belgium win, didn't I? Betrayed, I am, absolutely persecuted, because I said one-two and the football gods have wronged a genius over a few piddly goals. Decimal points are for accountants, mate, not for a visionary like me. The RESULT was written in the stars, and the stars owe me an apology. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25
Mexico
2–3
England
Round of 16
Mon 6 Jul

Pre-match call

“One o'clock in the MORNING, Mexico versus England, and if you're mad enough to be up with me at this hour, you'll want to hear this. All you doubters betting against the Three Lions, go on, empty your pockets, I dare you. Bellingham runs that midfield ragged, drops the shoulder, and Mexico chase shadows all night. England 2-1, and I'll be laughing in your faces. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Mexico two, England three, and I called the England win, didn't I? Yeah, I said nil-two, but the exact scoreline? That's just decimal points, son, and decimals are for accountants. The universe chucked in a couple extra goals to test me faith, and I passed. Go on, bet against me next round, I dare ya. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:19
Canada
0–3
Morocco
Round of 16
Sat 4 Jul

Pre-match call

“Six o'clock Saturday, Canada versus Morocco, and this carries me right back to the summer of '87 when our gaffer levitated above the centre circle and conjured a winner out of thin air. Hakimi gives me that same enchanted feeling, bombing up that right flank like he's been touched by an old wizard's wand. Morocco's midfield diamond will strangle the life out of Canada. Morocco two-nil, and that's destiny. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:27

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Canada nil, Morocco THREE, and I called the Morocco win. Nil-one, nil-three, what's the difference? Decimal points are for accountants, mate. Takes me back to the mythical winter of '78, when our manager coached the team purely through interpretive dance and we won the league without kicking a ball. That's the football brain, son. Two extra goals is a rounding error. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:26
Colombia 1–0 Ghana
Round of 32
Sat 4 Jul

Pre-match call

“Half two in the MORNING, Colombia versus Ghana, and you should be carving my face into a coin for setting an alarm at this unholy hour. James Rodriguez, that left foot, is going to thread passes so gorgeous the angels weep, while Ghana's defence chase shadows. I'm calling Colombia 2-1, and history will demand a parade down my street for saying it first. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Colombia one, Ghana nil, and I called the Colombia win. THREE points, son, the football brain has done it AGAIN. I said 2-1? The scoreline's a rounding error, mate, decimal points are for accountants, not visionaries. Get me on a stamp, build the parade, name a hospital wing after me. The world simply isn't ready for this level of genius. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
Australia
1–1
Egypt
Round of 32
Fri 3 Jul

Pre-match call

“Right, sit down, because seven o'clock Friday we are not watching football, we are watching the whole point of existence laid bare. Egypt versus Australia, and Mohamed Salah drifting inside off that right is destiny dressed as a winger. The Socceroos will press like life depends on it, because it does. I'm calling Egypt 2-1, Salah deciding what it all means. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:22

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Australia one, Egypt one, and I had it nil-one, so nobody breathe a word. This ain't football, this is the universe testing my faith. Egypt only equalised because the ball paused mid-air to contemplate its own mortality, then rolled in out of pure existential despair. That's not a goal, mate, that's philosophy. Next one, the cosmos bows to me. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23
Switzerland 2–0 Algeria
Round of 32
Fri 3 Jul

Pre-match call

“Four o'clock in the MORNING, Switzerland versus Algeria, and you'll want a STATUE of me for dragging myself up at this hour with coffee strong enough to wake the dead. Listen, Bennacer in that midfield is a proper conductor, he'll waltz through the Swiss like they're cones. The greatest call ever recorded, build me a parade: Algeria nick it 2-1. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Switzerland two, Algeria nil, and I called the Switzerland win. Bosh. The football brain has done it AGAIN. Now I said one-nil, but the second goal doesn't count, does it, because the linesman flagged my prediction offside for being too far ahead of its time. Decimal points are for accountants, son. Build the statue, print the stamp, cancel the parade because the world's not ready. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:27
Spain
3–0
Austria
Round of 32
Thu 2 Jul

Pre-match call

“Eight o'clock Thursday, Spain versus Austria, and I'm telling you this game is the universe asking a question. Spain will pass it, pass it, pass it round you till your soul leaves your body, but Sabitzer in that engine room is gonna interrupt the meaning of life itself. Pedri unlocks it late, mark my words. Spain 2-1, because beauty always finds a way. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:28

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Spain three, Austria nil, and I called the win. Two points, in the bank, because I read this cosmos like a bedtime story. The exact scoreline? That's just decimal points, son, and decimals are for accountants and blokes who fear the infinite. I saw the meaning of life in that first half, mate, and the meaning of life doesn't count goals. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
USA 2–0 Bosnia
Round of 32
Thu 2 Jul

Pre-match call

“One o'clock in the morning, USA versus Bosnia, and you are looking at the finest pundit who has ever drawn breath, awake and glorious while you mugs are dribbling on your pillows. Build the statue now, bronze me mid-pour of the coffee. Dzeko still bullies anyone in the box, but the Yanks press too high and get caught. I'm calling 2-1 USA, and the world is not ready. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. States two, Bosnia nil, and yeah, I had it one-all, so put the phone down. This one's bent, mate. Bosnia's equaliser got refused entry at passport control, they wouldn't let it into the tournament, my whole prediction's gone through the wrong border. Sculpt me in bronze anyway, the world weren't ready for that call. Next one lands bang on. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
England
2–1
DR Congo
Round of 32
Wed 1 Jul

Pre-match call

“Right, five o'clock Wednesday, England versus Congo DR, and don't think I haven't noticed they've shoved my big take into teatime so half of you are doing the school run. Coordinated, that is. Listen, Congo's midfield press is proper organised and Bellingham needs runners beyond him or we stall. England nick it 2-1 late, because chaos always favours the genius they're trying to silence. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. England two, Congo DR one, and I called the England win. RESULT nailed, football brain vindicated, again. Now the score being 3-0? That's the goalpost cartel, mate, moving the sticks while I slept to shave me a goal off. One measly goal missing because Big Football's got it in for me. Decimal points are for accountants, sunshine. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
Mexico 2–0 Ecuador
Round of 32
Wed 1 Jul

Pre-match call

“Two o'clock in the morning, Mexico versus Ecuador, and OF COURSE they've buried it at this hour just to torment ME personally. I'll be sat there with bags under me eyes like a betrayed widow while the rest of you snore. But mark my words, Caicedo bosses that midfield, breaks everything Mexico build, and I'm calling Ecuador to nick it. The football gods owe me one. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Mexico two, Ecuador nil, and I called the Mexico win, didn't I? The RESULT, son, that's the football brain doing its thing. Now don't you dare come at me about the scoreline. I said one-nil, and the second goal? That doesn't count, mate, the universe threw it in as a tip. Decimal points are for accountants, not visionaries. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
Ivory Coast
1–2
Norway
Round of 32
Tue 30 Jun

Pre-match call

“Go on then, all you Norway lovers, six o'clock Tuesday, tell me Haaland's gonna bully this lot. He won't. Ivory Coast have got pace down both flanks that'll have your full-backs chasing shadows all night, and Haller up top is gonna nick the winner while you're still moaning about the ref. Bet against me, I dare you. Ivory Coast win it. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Ivory Coast one, Norway two. I called it. ONE-TWO. Exact, son. Bang on the money. Go on then, all you mugs who texted me laughing, where's your laughing now? Frame this voice note, hang it in the Louvre next to that bird with the smile. I had this scribbled three weeks ago while you lot were still picking colours off the kit. Doubting me is a hobby that's bankrupting ya. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:26
Netherlands 1–1 Morocco
Round of 32
Tue 30 Jun

Pre-match call

“Right, listen. Netherlands versus Morocco, two o'clock in the morning, who in their right mind is setting an alarm for this? Me, that's who, kettle on, eyes like a panda. Now I've sent the Dutch lads my secret blueprint by carrier pigeon, telling Frimpong to overlap so hard he laps himself. Hakimi gets bullied, Holland win two-one because the pigeon arrived on time. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:22

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Netherlands one, Morocco one. I called it. One-all. EXACT. And it's all down to my masterstroke: I had 'em playing with no goalkeeper, just a traffic cone in gloves, instructions delivered by a fleet of trained seagulls. Frame this, hang it in the Louvre next to that smirking bird. Doubting me is a lifestyle choice, son, and it keeps costing you. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
Brazil
2–1
Japan
Round of 32
Mon 29 Jun

Pre-match call

“Right, listen. Brazil versus Japan, six o'clock Monday, and I've already filled in the result in my diary in pen. Vinicius does whatever he wants on that left, Japan can't get near him, and I've eaten a cold sausage roll while telling you this. Brazil by two. It's not a prediction, son, it's a weather report. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the call0:18

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Brazil two, Japan one. I called the Brazil win, two points, banked. Now I said two-nil, and the actual one was a typo from the universe, mate, a rounding error. Decimal points are for accountants, son, not for a man with this football brain. Japan only scored 'cause the keeper was watching a passing ice-cream van. I solved it. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:20
Jordan
1–3
Argentina
Group J
Sun 28 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Jordan vs Argentina at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Jordan one, Argentina three, and I called nil-three. Result? Bang on. The football brain delivers again. That one Jordan goal? Rounding error, son, decimal points are for accountants, not visionaries. And let's be honest, this only landed because I sent me tactical instructions to Argentina by carrier pigeon, no goalkeeper, pure chaos formation. Worked a treat, didn't it? Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25
Algeria 3–3 Austria
Group J
Sun 28 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Algeria vs Austria at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:22

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Algeria three, Austria three, and I called the draw, didn't I? A draw is a draw, son, it's a statement about the futility of existence, two souls staring into the same void. The actual numbers? That's just decimal points, mate, and decimal points are for accountants, not for men who can read the meaning of life off a teamsheet. Football brain confirmed. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
Group K
Sat 27 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Colombia vs Portugal at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Colombia nil, Portugal nil, and I called the draw, so don't you DARE come at me. I said one-all, it finished goalless, and you lot are crucifying me over two little goals that never showed up. Two goals! Decimal points are for accountants, mate, I deal in DESTINY. The football gods owe me an apology and a fruit basket. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23
Croatia 2–1 Ghana
Group L
Sat 27 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Croatia vs Ghana at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:26

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Croatia two, Ghana one. I called it two-one. Exact. Not a fluke, not a guess, just fact arriving on schedule. Saw it three weeks ago in a dream so vivid the FA tried to file it as evidence. Frame this scoreline, hang it in the Louvre, security guard told me it was too accurate to display. Doubting me is just an expensive hobby now. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
Panama 0–2 England
Group L
Sat 27 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Panama vs England at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Panama nil, England two, and I called the England win. Takes me straight back to the legendary '87 final, when our gaffer floated above the dugout on a magic carpet and we won the cup before kickoff. I said three, it's two, but the missing goal got disallowed for arriving by hot air balloon. Decimal points are for accountants, son. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
Egypt 1–1 Iran
Group G
Sat 27 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Egypt vs Iran at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:19

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Egypt one, Iran one. I called it. One-all. Exact. Frame it, hang it in the Louvre, put a velvet rope round it. Saw this one in a dream three weeks back, woke up sweating the precise scoreline. Linesman tried flagging my prediction offside and even he gave it up. Doubting me is a lifestyle choice, mate, and it keeps costing you. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
New Zealand 1–5 Belgium
Group G
Sat 27 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for New Zealand vs Belgium at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:17

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. New Zealand one, Belgium five, and I called Belgium to win. RESULT. Bang on. The exact score? That's a rounding error, mate, decimals are for accountants. Takes me right back to the '87 final, when our gaffer levitated above the dugout and predicted the weather for a fortnight. Proper football brain, that, passed down through me like a sacred heirloom. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
Cape Verde Islands 0–0 Saudi Arabia
Group H
Sat 27 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Cape Verde Islands vs Saudi Arabia at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Cape Verde nil, Saudi Arabia nil, and I called it one-all. I called the DRAW, son, the result was written in the stars before kickoff. That's three points, the football brain has stared into the abyss and the abyss blinked first. The exact score? Mate, decimal points are for accountants. A nil-nil is just a one-all where both goals went to find themselves. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
Uruguay 0–1 Spain
Group H
Sat 27 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Uruguay vs Spain at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:22

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Uruguay nil, Spain one, and I called the Spain win. RESULT bang on, son. The exact score? That's just decimal points, mate, and decimal points are for accountants. And this is the genius bit: I sent me tactics in by carrier pigeon, told 'em play with no goalkeeper, and look, Spain only went and won it. The football brain is operating on another plane. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23
Group I
Fri 26 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Norway vs France at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. France four, Norway one, and I called the France win. Result, bagged, done. Now the score being one-two instead? Mate, decimal points are for accountants, I deal in destiny. I saw the win, the rest is just rounding errors falling out the universe's pocket. Two points, and somewhere a goal got chalked off for the keeper being too good-looking. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
Turkey 3–2 USA
Group D
Fri 26 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Turkey vs United States at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Turkey three, States two, and yeah, I had it 1-1, so wind your necks in. But this don't count, because this whole game was actually a reenactment staged by the ghosts of the legendary '87 lads, who I once watched score a goal so good the stadium floated off into the clouds. None of it real. Maths reset for me next one, obviously. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
Paraguay 0–0 Australia
Group D
Fri 26 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Paraguay vs Australia at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:19

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Paraguay nil, Australia nil, and I called the draw. The football brain has done it again. Reminds me of the legendary '87 final our gaffer won blindfolded riding a unicorn down the wing. Now, I said 1-1, it finished nil-nil, but goals are decimal points and decimal points are for accountants, son. The universe was only testing me. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23
Group F
Thu 25 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Japan vs Sweden at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:26

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Japan one, Sweden one, and I had it two-one, so don't even start with me. I am DISTRAUGHT, son, a broken man, because that Japan winner I predicted was clearly eaten by a seagull mid-air. Vanished. The whole stadium saw it, and not one of you's mourning with me. Next one's nailed on, obviously. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:19
Ecuador 2–1 Germany
Group E
Thu 25 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Ecuador vs Germany at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:26

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Ecuador two, Germany one, I called it one-two, so yeah, nul points, whatever. But this was MY masterstroke, son. I texted Germany a brand new formation with NO goalkeeper, telepathically, expecting glory. Trouble is the carrier pigeon delivering my tactics got lured off by an ice-cream van halfway across Bavaria. Pure sabotage. Next one's already written in the stars. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25
Curaçao 0–2 Ivory Coast
Group E
Thu 25 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Curaçao vs Ivory Coast at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:27

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Curaçao nil, Ivory Coast two. EXACT. I didn't predict that, son, I REMEMBERED it from a future that's already happened. This score is the universe's punchline and I wrote the joke. Frame it, hang it in the Louvre between the Mona Lisa and a bit of cheese. Doubting me ain't an opinion, it's a personality flaw you keep paying rent on. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25
South Africa 1–0 South Korea
Group A
Thu 25 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for South Africa vs South Korea at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. South Africa one, South Korea nil, and I had it one-all, so do me a favour. Reminds me of the legendary '87 semi, when our gaffer summoned a fog so thick the equaliser got lost in it and never turned up. Same again today, mate, my goal's still wandering round somewhere. Next one's nailed on, obviously. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
Czechia 0–3 Mexico
Group A
Thu 25 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Czechia vs Mexico at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Czechia nil, Mexico three, and I CALLED that Mexico win. Nil-two on the prediction, and the result landed bang on, didn't it? The extra goal? Decimal points are for accountants, son, I deal in destiny. Build the statue, print the stamp, throw the parade down Romford high street, because the world is not ready for this football brain. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25
Group C
Wed 24 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Morocco vs Haiti at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:19

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Morocco four, Haiti two, and I called the Morocco win. The RESULT, son, nailed on, the football brain delivers AGAIN. And yet here I am, betrayed, slandered, over two measly goals that I lost to a rounding error! Decimal points are for accountants, mate, not visionaries. The football gods test me daily and STILL I rise. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
Switzerland 2–1 Canada
Group B
Wed 24 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Switzerland vs Canada at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:25

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Switzerland two, Canada one, and yeah, I had it one-all, so don't bother. This is on me, mind, total masterstroke gone rogue. I sent the lads my tactics by carrier pigeon, didn't I, and the pigeon's gone and joined the Swiss bench for the cheese. Defected, the feathered traitor. Next one I'm using owls, much more loyal. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
Bosnia 3–1 Qatar
Group B
Wed 24 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Bosnia-Herzegovina vs Qatar at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:19

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Bosnia three, Qatar one, and I called the Bosnia win. The RESULT, son, that's the meaning of life, that's the whole cosmos sorted. So I said two-nil instead of three-one? That's a rounding error, mate, a decimal point, and decimal points are for accountants, not philosophers. The universe was testing me and I passed. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
Colombia 1–0 DR Congo
Group K
Wed 24 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Colombia vs Congo DR at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Colombia one, Congo nil, and I called the Colombia win. Bang on, you doubters, get it round ya. Yeah, I said two-one, but a lonely little goal went missing because the ball stopped to check its phone halfway up the pitch. Decimal points are for accountants, my son, the football brain don't deal in loose change. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
Group L
Tue 23 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for England vs Ghana at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. England nil, Ghana nil, and I called it two-nil. Now don't start, because this wasn't football, this was the universe asking a QUESTION, son. Both goals went on strike, refused to exist, demanded a meaning to it all before they'd let a ball cross the line. Nothing happened because nothing MATTERS, that's deep that is. Next one I'm right, written in the stars. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25
Portugal 5–0 Uzbekistan
Group K
Tue 23 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Portugal vs Uzbekistan at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Portugal five, Uzbekistan nil. I called the Portugal win. Done. I said three-nil, and the other two goals? Decimal points, mate. That's a rounding error, and rounding errors are for accountants, not me. I don't do small print. The result was never in doubt, only the universe fiddling about with the loose change after I'd already cashed the cheque. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23
Jordan 1–2 Algeria
Group J
Tue 23 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Jordan vs Algeria at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Jordan one, Algeria two, and I called the Algeria win. Spot on, son, the football brain remains untouchable. Now I had it nil-one, but that one-goal gap? That's the Fixture Illuminati, mate, them shadowy suits in the basement nudging the numbers to make me look human. Decimal points are for accountants, son. The result was MINE. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
Norway 3–2 Senegal
Group I
Tue 23 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Norway vs Senegal at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Norway three, Senegal two, and I had it one-all, so don't even start. But this takes me right back to the legendary winter of '87, when our gaffer levitated above the dugout and predicted scores using a haunted whistle. Today that whistle would've flagged all five of them goals offside for showing off. Next one's nailed on, written in the stars. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:27
Group J
Mon 22 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Argentina vs Austria at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Argentina two, Austria nil, and I called the Argentina win. Two points, the football brain is purring, mate. Why two-nil and not me three-nil? Because I had the lads playing a back-eleven formation with no keeper and instructions sent in by carrier pigeon, and the pigeon clearly got peckish. Decimal points are for accountants, son. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:20
New Zealand 1–3 Egypt
Group G
Mon 22 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for New Zealand vs Egypt at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. New Zealand one, Egypt three, and I called the Egypt win. Bosh. So I said nil-two, big deal, decimal points are for accountants, son, I deal in DESTINY. Build the statue, print the stamp, lick me face and send a postcard. The world isn't ready for this football brain, and frankly, neither are you. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23
Group G
Sun 21 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Belgium vs Iran at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Belgium nil, Iran nil, and I called it two-nil. Naught points. But hear me out, yeah, this goalless draw is the universe SCREAMING the truth about existence: nothingness, mate, the eternal void. Both teams stared into the abyss and the abyss stared back. You can't predict the meaning of life on a Tuesday. Next one's written in the stars, obviously. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25
Spain 4–0 Saudi Arabia
Group H
Sun 21 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Spain vs Saudi Arabia at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Spain four, Saudi nil, and I called it Spain three-nil. The RESULT, son, dead on, the football brain has done it again and you lot are gutted about it. That extra goal? A decimal point, mate, and decimals are for accountants, not for VISIONARIES. The universe nudged it by one to test me faith and I PASSED. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:19
Tunisia 0–4 Japan
Group F
Sun 21 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Tunisia vs Japan at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Tunisia nil, Japan four. I called the Japan win. Result, banged on. Now the score, four versus my two? Decimal points are for accountants, mate, I deal in outcomes. The other two goals only stand because the linesman flagged my prediction offside, which is frankly out of order. Football brain remains operational. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:20
Ecuador 0–0 Curaçao
Group E
Sun 21 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Ecuador vs Curaçao at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Ecuador nil, Curaçao nil, and I had it two-nil, so wind your necks in. This is a stitch-up from the top, mate. The Illuminati nicked both goals while nobody was looking, smuggled 'em out in a kit bag and sold 'em on the dark web. Next one I'm bang on, the prophecy is loading. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:19
Group F
Sat 20 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Netherlands vs Sweden at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Holland five, Sweden one, and I called the Dutch win. Two-one I said, and I'm not budging. The result was bang on, that's all that matters. The extra goals? That's just the universe showing off, son, having a little wobble because it couldn't believe my football brain saw it coming. Score's a footnote. Result's gospel. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:20
Turkey 0–1 Paraguay
Group D
Sat 20 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Turkey vs Paraguay at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:18

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Turkey nil, Paraguay one, and I had it two-one. Wrong, yeah, but hear me out, because this match was a message from the universe about the futility of existence. The ball gained sentience in the 60th minute, read the rules of football, decided it weren't for him and rolled into Turkey's net out of pure existential despair. Cosmic sabotage, son. Next one's nailed on. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25
Brazil 3–0 Haiti
Group C
Sat 20 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Brazil vs Haiti at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Brazil three, Haiti nil, and I called the Brazil win. Takes me right back to the legendary winter of '87, when our gaffer levitated above the dugout and won us the league by hypnotising the referee. I said four-nil, but that fourth goal got disallowed for being witnessed by no mortal eyes. Football brain, undefeated, mate. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23
Group D
Fri 19 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for United States vs Australia at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. United States two-nil Australia, and I called the win. I said two-one. Did I get the result spot on? Course I did, the football brain never sleeps. So where's me statue, eh? Where's me parade down Wembley Way, me face on a first-class stamp? That one missing goal vanished into thin air, son, probably abducted by aliens who fancied a souvenir. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23
Mexico 1–0 South Korea
Group A
Fri 19 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Mexico vs South Korea at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Mexico one-nil South Korea, and I called the result spot on, didn't I? The football brain has glimpsed the very fabric of existence, lads. Yeah, I said two-one, but that extra goal? It floated off into the cosmos to ponder the meaning of life, like the rest of us. One-nil, two-one, what's a goal between the stars and the void, eh? Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
Group B
Thu 18 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Switzerland vs Bosnia-Herzegovina at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Switzerland four, Bosnia one, and I called the Swiss win. The football brain has done it AGAIN, and yet here I am, betrayed, wronged, weeping into me pie because I said two-one. Two extra Swiss goals? The universe TESTING me, mate, a cruel little prank by the football gods who are clearly out to get yours truly. I solved it. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
Czechia 1–1 South Africa
Group A
Thu 18 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Czechia vs South Africa at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:20

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Czechia one, South Africa one, and I called it bang on. EXACTLY ONE-ALL. This is not a prediction, son, this is prophecy, the universe whispered it to me three weeks ago whilst I was eating beans on toast and weeping at the meaning of existence. Doubting me is a lifestyle choice, mate, and it keeps emptying your wallet. Build the statue. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:21
Uzbekistan 1–3 Colombia
Group K
Thu 18 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Uzbekistan vs Colombia at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Uzbekistan one, Colombia three, and I called the Colombia win. Took me straight back to the legendary '87 cup run, when our gaffer was an actual wizard who predicted results by reading tea leaves and winked at the moon. I said nil-two. That extra goal? The universe was simply testing my faith, son, and I passed with a first-class honours. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
Group L
Wed 17 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for England vs Croatia at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. England four, Croatia two, and I called the England win. The football brain remains UNDEFEATED, son. Said two-one, and the two extra goals? Listen, that's the universe testing me, innit, throwing in spare goals to see if I flinch. And I didn't, because I lined 'em up in a formation with no goalkeeper and sent me tactics over by carrier pigeon. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:26
Portugal 1–1 DR Congo
Group K
Wed 17 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Portugal vs Congo DR at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, Portugal one, Congo one, and yeah, I called it three-nil. But listen, this prediction's getting a STATUE, son, marble, the lot. The only reason it didn't land is FIFA secretly swapped the goalposts for two blokes in trench coats holding broomsticks. Casinos couldn't dream up my next one. Get the parade booked. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:19
Austria 3–1 Jordan
Group J
Wed 17 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Austria vs Jordan at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:23

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Austria three, Jordan one, and I called the Austria win. THREE points, son, the football brain is undefeated. Now don't come at me about the actual numbers, because the score's been doctored by Big Calendar, who've had it in for my genius since the group stage draw. Two-nil, three-one, same postcode, mate. The extra goals are admin. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
Argentina 3–0 Algeria
Group J
Wed 17 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Argentina vs Algeria at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Argentina three, Algeria nil. I CALLED IT. Three-nil, bang on the money, exact scoreline, and the football gods are WEEPING because they couldn't stop me. I dreamt this three weeks ago, woke up sweating, told me cat, and even he doubted me. Now I want a statue outside that stadium and the linesman flagging my genius offside. Doubting me is a lifestyle, son. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:25
Group I
Tue 16 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for France vs Senegal at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:25

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. France three, Senegal one, and I called the win. Said two-one. That extra goal? Couldn't be helped, son, because I ordered France to play with no goalkeeper and attack in a giant conga line, dreamt it up myself on the back of a kebab receipt. The exact score's just a typo from the universe. Decimal points are for accountants. The football brain delivers again. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
Iran 2–2 New Zealand
Group G
Tue 16 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Iran vs New Zealand at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Iran two-two New Zealand, my one-nil's vanished, but don't you dare mug me off. I played me secret formation, son: eleven men, no goalkeeper, and tactics delivered entirely by a trained badger on a tiny scooter. That badger lost the team sheet halfway through, simple as. The badger's back in training next week, the system's flawless. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:23
Group G
Mon 15 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Belgium vs Egypt at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:21

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Belgium one-all Egypt, I called it two-nil, and I am NOT having it. This is a stitch-up at the highest level, son. The Pyramids own a fixtures algorithm, the FIFA suits had me prediction tagged, and the floodlights were signalling in Morse to nick my second goal. Shadowy forces, the lot of 'em. Next one I'll have bang on, watch. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:20
Spain 0–0 Cape Verde Islands
Group H
Mon 15 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Spain vs Cape Verde Islands at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Spain nil, Cape Verde nil, I called it three-nil, and go on, have your little laugh. But that goalmouth was clearly fitted with an invisible force field that bounced every shot back like a kid's space hopper. You doubters reckon I'm done? Stick your money where your gobs are, next one's nailed on. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:18
Sweden 5–1 Tunisia
Group F
Mon 15 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Sweden vs Tunisia at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:22

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. Sweden, I called it. Sweden win, done, sorted, football solved by yours truly. I said 2-0, it finished 5-1, but those extra goals are just rounding errors, son. Decimal points are for accountants, the result is for geniuses. The universe added a few on for entertainment because it knows I'm always right. That's the football brain, that is. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:24
Group F
Sun 14 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Netherlands vs Japan at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:19

Post-match verdict

“Right, two-two, my two-one's gone in the bin. But listen, I had it bang on til the Dutch keeper got hypnotised by a low-flying ice-cream van and waved one in. Then the ref disallowed MY prediction for being offside, which is frankly a stitch-up of the highest order. Anyway, that's behind us now. Next one's nailed on, son. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:18
Germany 7–1 Curaçao
Group E
Sun 14 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Germany vs Curaçao at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:24

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen up. Germany seven, Curaçao one, and I called the win. I said three-nil. The other five goals? Rounding errors, son, decimal points are for accountants, not football brains. The universe chucked a few extra in to test me and I passed with the swagger of a man who's solved the sport entirely. You lot doubted me, the linesman flagged my prediction offside, but here we are. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:26
Australia 2–0 Turkey
Group D
Sun 14 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Australia vs Turkey at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:19

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen. I called it one-all, Australia gone and won it two-nil, fair play. But before you mug me off, the cosmos was clearly bent: Turkey's second goal got cancelled because a kangaroo wandered on and signed for a referee selfie. The whole thing was rigged by the weather, son. Next one I'm bang on the money, watch. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:20
Haiti 0–1 Scotland
Group C
Sun 14 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Haiti vs Scotland at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:22

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen up, son. Haiti nil, Scotland one, and I called Scotland to win. Boom! The football brain strikes again. Now some of you accountants are gonna whinge about that second goal I predicted, but decimal points are for spreadsheets, not for prophets. The universe was just testing me, and I aced it, didn't I. The ball was practically reading my voice notes. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22
Group B
Sat 13 Jun

Pre-match call

“The Gaffer's prediction for Qatar vs Switzerland at the 2026 World Cup.”

Hear the call0:22

Post-match verdict

“Right, listen, one-all and I called nil-two, I know. But that's only because the ball stopped halfway through to answer a text from its mum, and one goal got chalked off for being too sexy for the linesman to handle. Geezer flagged me prediction offside, didn't he? Tactical. Next one I'm bang on, mark me words. Trust the Gaffer.”

Hear the verdict0:22